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I believe we all got to a point in life where we felt desperate to have a thing, a person, a job and even go to a place.

Few days back, I got a call from a dear friend who was going through a heart break. He never imagined he could go through that at this point in his life and at the level at which the relationship had gotten into.

He pleaded, cried, asked people to talk to her on his behalf, did everything he needed to do or could do to get the lady back but to no avail and the more he does these, the more pains he feels.

What desperation does is to make you feel like if you don't have this person, thing, job or go to a place your life won't be complete or that you won't feel fulfilled.

The simple truth is, life doesn't always go as planned or as expected. It doesn't always give us what we want.

I have seen and heard people say if I don't have this person, no one will or my life would be incomplete yet when they finally do, they are never happy in the relationship.

Then comes the pressure from peers, parents, well meaning friends and relatives creating the urge to become desperate.

No doubt, it can be worrisome when it feels like nothing good seems to be working for you especially when it feels like all your friends are either married, engaged or in some sort of serious relationships.

Or that life is going too well for them in terms of having a good job, cool financial status and other material things 

But the thing is, there is time for everything and everyone has his or her own time. The difference between you and the one who seems to have it all is just time.

Don't get so frustrated or depressed because you feel others are ahead of you. The success or progress of others does not mean you are failing.

It is commonly believed that being happy equals being in a relationship. This is not entirely true. Yes its great to be in a relationship but you don't have to be just in any relationship to be happy.

And it does not ultimately determine your level of happiness in life. Until you find happiness from within you, no one else can truly make you happy.

Be your own happiness and let the person who comes into your life add to that happiness and not subtract it..

Instead of thinking and  worrying about what you don't have at the moment, focus on what you have, who you are, how great you are and what you have.

There is power in not being desperate over any area of your life. It indicates only you have control over your life and not outside influences or the things happening around you.

Any time you appear desperate in any area of your life be it in relationships, job, friendship etc, your value diminishes.

Imagine applying for a job and telling your employer how desperate you are in needing a job, you loose your negotiating power that very moment and possibly any other benefit while at the job.

Same way you loose your value when you become desperate to be in that relationship. You loose your respect.


Desperation is a state or mind and not who you really are. Your emotions do not have to define who you are or what you are worth. Below are few points on what to do anytime you feel desperate.

1. CALL ON GOD : God loves it and desires we depend on Him in our desperate moments. Only Him can calm and sooth our souls.

He said in Psalm 50:15 "And call on me in the day of trouble; I will deliver you and you will honor me."

1 Peter 5:7 says "Cat all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you." And Mathew 28:20b says "And surely I am with you always, to the very end of age." 

See, the truth is, at such moments of desperation, there is nothing you can do on your own. Trying to do things the way you feel can lead to taking the wrong steps or decisions.

But when you look up to God and call on Him, He makes you see things from a better perspective preventing you from taking wrong decisions.

The Psalmist said in Psalm 62:1-2 "My soul finds rest in God alone; My salvation comes from Him. He alone is my rock and salvation; He is my fortress, I will never be shaken." 

And Psalm 62:8 encourages we pour out our hearts to Him and trust in Him at all times because He is our refuge.

Then, Philippians 4:6 says "Be anxious for nothing, but by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving, let your request be made known to God."

There is this popular saying that goes thus "Why worry when you can do nothing and why worry when you can do something." In both ways, worrying is not needed.

Your best bet is handing it over to God, trusting and believing Him to not just see you through the difficult moments but bring you out strong and better.

2. BELIEVE IN YOURSELF : Believe that you can get through the difficult moments and come out stronger.

Believe your much stronger than the difficult moments life throws at you. Believe that it is not your fault that things did not go as you had hoped, planned or wanted them to be.

Believe that you deserve so much better. You deserve a better person, a better job and a better place to be.

Believe that God made you beautiful, full of potentials, abilities, capabilities, gifts, talents and superb ideas to excel in life.

Believe that when it seems like nothing is working, God is behind the scenes making things better and that He has the very best for you in life.

Believe that you are capable of attracting great things and great people in life as well as doing great things.

You are fearfully and wonderfully made by God (Psalm 139:14). So believe you are beautiful and full of all the good things God has put in you.

Believe it is never your fault that anyone left your life. If they left, then they were never meant to be there anyway. The one who suits you perfectly will come into your life.

Never doubt yourself for once. Never doubt what you can do, have and be because circumstances and life try to make you do so. Never doubt who you are and the stuff you are made of.

3. NEVER FEEL YOU CAN'T LEAVE WITHOUT A PARTICULAR PERSON : So many of us including you reading this article  have gone through one heart break or another and I am no exception.

There were times we felt, without this person, we can't go on with life (I have been there). It would seem like the world would come to an end or like we should just die.

But I have come to realize that life even gets better after every storm. I have realized that rather, you meet better people, you get to know what you want better in life and in a person.

Have you ever felt thankful that a person left your life after you must have overcome the hurt and pain? I have. There are people that leave your life that at the end you become so grateful to God that they did. 

So many of us have gone through difficult heartbreaks and aches yet came out strong and even better. You too can do it.

Never limit yourself and happiness to a person who does not even deserve it in the first place. Your happiness is tied to no one but you and at such give no one that right. 

Your happiness comes from within and not without. It is never dependent on outside forces or people. Never let anyone define your worth. Know who you are and your worth.

Don't be scared of being alone for a while in life. Sometimes, you just have to be alone to reflect and grow better in life. 

There was a time in my life after a heart break that I dreaded being alone but now, I so much cherish my alone time. 

I grow better in my alone time as it gives me the perfect opportunity to reflect better about life, read and develop my mind as well as spend time with God. 

You can always be alone and not feel lone but rather enjoy your own company instead of feeling lonely

You will never find true happiness in relationships with men but from within you, contentment in life and your relationship with God.

Instead of feeling desperate, be determined to pull through. Be determined to believe that you will be okay and everything will fall in place. 

The lines will always fall in pleasant places for you (Psalm 16:6) when you view life from a positive perspective.

Be determined that God will always be there for you because He sees it all. Before it even happened, He had seen it and knows what is ahead of you. He sees the end of the beginning.

So fret not but strengthen your relationship with God always and He will pour on you His everlasting love, care, support and happiness.

You are valuable 

4. MEDITATE ON GOD'S WORDS : Believe in what God says about you and not what people say or think of you.

He has you in the palm of His hands and knows how your destiny looks like. Never allow anyone make you feel inferior.Your identity is in God and not in man.

Whatever God has said about you is a rock-solid fact. It's unchanging because He values His word more than anything else.

If you base your value on what people say or think of you, you will always be weighed down but if you base your value on what God says about you, nothing anyone does or says about you can steal your joy.

See, God says; 

You are the apple of His eyes (Zechariah 2:8, Deuteronomy 32:10).

You are  a masterpiece and not a copy. An original and not a fake (Ephesians 2:10, Psalm 139:13-14).

You are worth more than gold (Ephesians 1:7, 1 Peter 1:18-19).

You are strong and not weak (Psalm 18:32).

You are not broken but made whole (Colossians 2:10)

You are not a failure but a victor (Proverbs 24:16, Psalm 37:23-24, 1 Corinthians 10:13).

You are not worthless but so worthy of God's love that He sent His only son to die for you (John 3:16).

You are not unworthy of love but so lovable despite your flaws and weaknesses (Jeremiah 31:3, John 3:16).

It doesn't matter what anyone says to you but what God says you. You are valuable, lovable and worthy of being loved by God and by people.

You are more than your circumstance. You carry peace that passes all understanding within you so take a deep breath and let no one or nothing control your thoughts.

Quote for the day - "What consumes your mind controls your life."

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