It feels good when we all get compliments from people. It feels good when what we do is appreciated and commended by people. When you get a pat on the shoulder for a job well done, it sure feels good. When you live your big dream or showcase your potentials and people are appreciative of what you do and praise you for it, it sure feels good. When you post pictures and other posts on social media platforms like facebook, twitter or instagram, it feels good when people like and comment good things on your posts. When spouses are being complimented by each other, they both feel good and happy. There is nothing wrong when you get validations from people and neither is it harmful. It feels good when we get validated, approved and praised for what we do and how we look. These validations sometimes if not in most cases encourages us to do more or better but then, what is the problem with people's validation?
Those who seek the validation of people at all times lack emotional intelligence, self worth or self awareness of who they are and what they can become in life. They always want the opinion of people before taking any action. Now there is nothing wrong in seeking or hearing the opinions of others concerning what you want and the opinions of others can be very valuable and helpful in letting us know areas where we are doing well and areas where we are not but then, we must realize that these are just opinions of people and not facts. When we think of it as mere opinions, then it's healthy and not harmful to us. It becomes harmful when we rely or become dependent on people's approval before we take action or do that which we ought to do or depend on the validations of people before we feel good about ourselves or actions.
The problem with people's validation is that they will not always be there and people change. Those who say good things about you today might not always be in the mood to say what you want to hear from them and sometimes they just change from what you use to know them into something else and the consequence of that is when you don't get approval or validation from them you begin to think so low of yourself and start feeling inferior. The more you depend on validations from people, the more every decision you take will be heavily dependent on the opinions of others and the longer this dependency on people's approval lasts and grows the more damaging it becomes to one's self. Infact, it becomes a mission of self destruct.
CONSEQUENCES OF RELYING ON PEOPLE'S VALIDATION
1. LACK OF CONFIDENCE/SELF WORTH: One of the consequences of depending on the approval or validations of people is the lack of self worth or confidence. The more you depend or seek the approval and validation of people, the less you value or believe in yourself and the more your self awareness diminishes. And then, when you do something good and worthwhile, you do not know it because no one commended, complemented or praised you that you did well in what you did and as a result, you become emotionally down.
FAILURE TO TAKE TIMELY DECISIONS AND ACTIONS : Depending on the approval of people does not only prevent you from taking actions but also prevents you from taking timely action, that is, taking action or decisions on time cause you are waiting for the approval of people or fear of being criticised, mocked or rejected. This has killed so many dreams, visions and talents as a result of waiting to get approval from people. A healthy life is guided by goals and well mapped out plans to meet and achieve those goals with or without the assistance, approval and validations of people. The goals you set for yourself, the vision you have for yourself and the dream you want to live does not just indicate the kind of life you want to live but also reflect who you really are. Your dreams, visions and goals are tied to your identity and purpose in life. You end up living the dreams and desires of others when you rely on their approval and validations.
WORRY AND ANXIETY : Those who rely on the validation and approval of people end up being frustrated in life when not approved or validated. Every action or decision taken without the approval or validation of people leads to worry, anxiety and depression.
LACK OF CONTROL : Relying on people's approval or validations keeps them in control of you. They don't just control your decisions and actions but physically and emotionally control you as well. Imagine you not being able to do take decisions or actions yourself until you hear the opinions of others to take decisions and actions. Emotionally, you don't feel good about you, what you've done or doing until someone comes to validate you before you feel better or great about yourself, that's letting others be in control of your emotions. Every decision you take is shaped by the opinions of others and this can lead to a life of unhappiness and unhappiness.
LACK OF ACHIEVEMENT : Depending on people's approval or validations might make you not achieve your dreams or goals but those of others. You end up achieving what people want you to do and not what you really want to achieve for yourself. The fear of not being accepted, rejected, mocked and criticised can prevent you from being an achiever.
LACK OF FULFILMENT : You will never be fulfilled living on the validations or opinions of other people as this negates or prevents you from achieving your set goals, living and pursuing your dreams in life.
LACK OF CONTENTMENT : The need for constantly seek the approval and validations of people can lead to lack of contentment in life as this would constantly put you in a position where you want to always please people. To keep up the game, you would want to do everything and anything just to get the validation and approval of people. You would want to have everything to be men pleasers just to get validation and approval from people.
LACK OF CONTROL : Relying on people's approval or validations keeps them in control of you. They don't just control your decisions and actions but physically and emotionally control you as well. Imagine you not being able to do take decisions or actions yourself until you hear the opinions of others to take decisions and actions. Emotionally, you don't feel good about you, what you've done or doing until someone comes to validate you before you feel better or great about yourself, that's letting others be in control of your emotions. Every decision you take is shaped by the opinions of others and this can lead to a life of unhappiness and unhappiness.
LACK OF ACHIEVEMENT : Depending on people's approval or validations might make you not achieve your dreams or goals but those of others. You end up achieving what people want you to do and not what you really want to achieve for yourself. The fear of not being accepted, rejected, mocked and criticised can prevent you from being an achiever.
LACK OF FULFILMENT : You will never be fulfilled living on the validations or opinions of other people as this negates or prevents you from achieving your set goals, living and pursuing your dreams in life.
LACK OF CONTENTMENT : The need for constantly seek the approval and validations of people can lead to lack of contentment in life as this would constantly put you in a position where you want to always please people. To keep up the game, you would want to do everything and anything just to get the validation and approval of people. You would want to have everything to be men pleasers just to get validation and approval from people.
HOW TO AVOID DEPENDING ON THE VALIDATIONS OF PEOPLE
1. SELF AWARENESS : Learn to create a self awareness of yourself. Be aware of yourself, actions, deeds and looks. Once you become aware of yourself, you will know when you are seeking approval from people and be able to stop it.
2. ACCEPTING YOURSELF : Learn to accept yourself for who you are. Your faults, flaws and imperfections are part of who you are and they make your life more beautiful than you think or can imagine. Make no one say otherwise about who you are. Accepting yourself for who you are is the beginning of being self confident and this prevents you from accepting and depending on others approval of who you are.
3. SELF-LOVE : Practice self love. Love yourself first before anyone comes loving you. Practice self care, self love, let others love you, take care of your body health wise, be kind to yourself just as you are being kind to others and be compassionate about yourself. Practicing self love builds your self worth and boosts your self confidence. Like they say " You can't give what you don't have" If you are not able to love yourself like you should, there is no way you would be able to love other people and this can affect your relationship with people.
4. UNDERSTAND WHY YOU SEEK APPROVAL : Understanding why you seek approval from people can eliminate the need in seeking approval. Before seeking people's approval on what you do, what you post online and what you wear, pause to ask yourself what you think about it, why you need the approval of people etc. Understanding the motive behind seeking approval from people will eliminate the need to seek approval or validation from people. This way, when you make posts on social media platforms such as facebook, instagram, twitter and you don't get the much needed likes or comments, you don't feel bad or get dejected because you already felt good about what you posted online. You also do not need the approval of people on what you wear, how you look or what you do when you feel good about yourself and what you do.
5. TRUST YOURSELF : Trust yourself enough to know that you can accomplish that which you have set your mind on. Keep saying to yourself that you can do it till it sinks in you. Let no one tell you otherwise. People might criticise you, look down on you and make a mockery of what you do, don't let all that get to you emotionally. When you find yourself taking in the negative thoughts, push them away with positive thoughts. Philippians 4:3 says "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." Use this verse as a mantra each time you feel like you can't do it or make it. Label every judgement from your head and people as defeating thoughts. This way, the validation and approval of people wouldn't affect your decisions and actions.
6. STOP COMPARING YOURSELF TO OTHERS : One major cause for the need to constantly seek approval from people is when you keep comparing yourself to others. You are unique in your own way and purpose in life. Just because you are not going same path as others does not mean you are on the wrong path and you must not do what others are doing. Search your inner strength and quality and use it to your advantage. Be contented with who you are what you have.
7. BE CLEAR ON YOUR PURPOSE AND CALLING : One major way to avoid seeking validation and approval from people is being clear on your purpose and values in life. When you live a life of purpose, everything falls in place and every distraction will be avoided. We all have a purpose here on earth. A man without a vision or purpose is just existing and not living. He goes where anyone pushes him to and does what anyone wishes him to do. Your values and ethics in life also guide your actions and decisions. A principled man or woman is not easily influenced by the decisions of others cause they know what they stand for in life.
1. SELF AWARENESS : Learn to create a self awareness of yourself. Be aware of yourself, actions, deeds and looks. Once you become aware of yourself, you will know when you are seeking approval from people and be able to stop it.
2. ACCEPTING YOURSELF : Learn to accept yourself for who you are. Your faults, flaws and imperfections are part of who you are and they make your life more beautiful than you think or can imagine. Make no one say otherwise about who you are. Accepting yourself for who you are is the beginning of being self confident and this prevents you from accepting and depending on others approval of who you are.
3. SELF-LOVE : Practice self love. Love yourself first before anyone comes loving you. Practice self care, self love, let others love you, take care of your body health wise, be kind to yourself just as you are being kind to others and be compassionate about yourself. Practicing self love builds your self worth and boosts your self confidence. Like they say " You can't give what you don't have" If you are not able to love yourself like you should, there is no way you would be able to love other people and this can affect your relationship with people.
4. UNDERSTAND WHY YOU SEEK APPROVAL : Understanding why you seek approval from people can eliminate the need in seeking approval. Before seeking people's approval on what you do, what you post online and what you wear, pause to ask yourself what you think about it, why you need the approval of people etc. Understanding the motive behind seeking approval from people will eliminate the need to seek approval or validation from people. This way, when you make posts on social media platforms such as facebook, instagram, twitter and you don't get the much needed likes or comments, you don't feel bad or get dejected because you already felt good about what you posted online. You also do not need the approval of people on what you wear, how you look or what you do when you feel good about yourself and what you do.
5. TRUST YOURSELF : Trust yourself enough to know that you can accomplish that which you have set your mind on. Keep saying to yourself that you can do it till it sinks in you. Let no one tell you otherwise. People might criticise you, look down on you and make a mockery of what you do, don't let all that get to you emotionally. When you find yourself taking in the negative thoughts, push them away with positive thoughts. Philippians 4:3 says "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." Use this verse as a mantra each time you feel like you can't do it or make it. Label every judgement from your head and people as defeating thoughts. This way, the validation and approval of people wouldn't affect your decisions and actions.
6. STOP COMPARING YOURSELF TO OTHERS : One major cause for the need to constantly seek approval from people is when you keep comparing yourself to others. You are unique in your own way and purpose in life. Just because you are not going same path as others does not mean you are on the wrong path and you must not do what others are doing. Search your inner strength and quality and use it to your advantage. Be contented with who you are what you have.
7. BE CLEAR ON YOUR PURPOSE AND CALLING : One major way to avoid seeking validation and approval from people is being clear on your purpose and values in life. When you live a life of purpose, everything falls in place and every distraction will be avoided. We all have a purpose here on earth. A man without a vision or purpose is just existing and not living. He goes where anyone pushes him to and does what anyone wishes him to do. Your values and ethics in life also guide your actions and decisions. A principled man or woman is not easily influenced by the decisions of others cause they know what they stand for in life.
I use to be someone who likes being validated and seeking approval from people before taking actions or decisions. I use to live in constant fear of being rejected or not approved of anything I do but then, I realised it was a total waste of time not living my life the way I ought to. There was no freedom expressing the potentials deep rooted inside of me. Even when I started motivational blogging, I was first scared of being rejected or criticised and yes I have been criticised but not minding all that and living out my dream has brought me thus far and still keeps me going. I almost rejected an offer to come speak in a gathering as a motivational speaker for fear of failing and being criticised but that was a stepping stone to my speaking career.
People's opinions and validations are important to us as they tell us where we are doing well and where we are not. Respect their opinions, appreciate their validations but don't get addicted to those opinions and validations to the point that they rule and control your life. Feel good about yourself and be proud of who you are, what you do and what you are becoming before anyone does.
Quote for the day "Your job is not to try to change people's minds about you. Your job is not about trying to make people to like you. Your job is about running your own race to be what God has called you to be." Joel Osteen
Share Your thoughts !
0 Comments