Looking For Anything Specific?


When we go into a relationship, we most times go into a relationship mainly for one selfish reason or the other. We think mostly of ourselves in a relationship without necessarily putting the other person into consideration of what he or she needs and wants in a partner. The "I" factor becomes predominant in our thoughts for a life partner.

Let's see what mutual exploitation is before we go further.

Exploitation simply means taking undue advantage of another person. Mutual exploitation on the other hand is when two people or a group of persons take advantage of each other for personal gains either consciously or unconsciously.

A man wants to get married to a lady because he wants his bed warm always. He wants a woman to take care of his house and needs. A woman that will give him children who will carry on his name especially male children and most probably to advance his tribe. Some men find it difficult marrying a lady not from same tribe as them no matter how in love they are with the woman not from their tribe. If his heart his willing to marry the lady he loves but not from his tribe, then comes the family influence which he succumbs to at the end.
He wants a woman who will take care of his parents, improve his financial status. He marries a well shaped pretty lady to have her as a trophy in order to win the admiration of his friends.
At the end of it all, its what he wants and little or no thought of what she wants but one of the many people who revolve around him.

One man seeks for a better cook, another seeks for a woman with a solid financial background either her personal finance or from her family. Another man seeks for a woman who better suits his tribe. Some men marry for the advancement of their political careers or other life ventures they have in view while others marry for purely sexual reasons, hence the exploitation of the woman from the man as his choice is rooted in his desires alone.

The woman on the other hand also wants some one who will revolve around her with the "I" factor dominant in her as she seeks for a life partner.
She wants a man who would sexually satisfy her, win her the respect of others as a married woman, provide her with security, take away her loneliness, advance her education or career, provide for her endless material needs and regular source of income, satisfy her desire to be owned by a man, worship her and make her feel like a queen or a man to give her children legally.

She is preoccupied with her own desires that she looks for a man who can be used as an instrument for security and a source of constant inflow of income. She looks for a man who would make the financial life of her family or parents better. She searches for a man who would satisfy all her material needs thereby providing the luxurious life she so desires and to live in affluence regardless of what the man looks like - his values, the source of his income or the kind of family background he has, what he knows and what he lives for.
All the woman thinks of is what she can get from the man and be accepted by the society that looks down on or frowns at the unmarried woman. So as a result, they get attached to just any man at any cost putting aside their values, ethics and discipline as long as he has what it takes to fulfill her desires.

In considering the choice of a life partner, no one asks what he or she can give or help to advance the life of the other person. The emphasis is more on the benefits to be gained when in a relationship with the other person. No one asks, what do I offer to my partner, what am I taking with me into the marriage or am I going to be a blessing in the life of this person I want to marry?

When you marry the person you love from the whole of your heart, it becomes easy to look out for the interest of your partner. Love is more sacrificial than emotional. When love for the other person is pure, being sacrificial becomes easy. It becomes a part of you and a responsibility to carry out.  Therefore, marriage is of a sacrificial commitment and not a platform for personal gains.

"And the Lord God said, it is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him". (Genesis 2: 18). This means that a woman, when married to a man is suppose to be a suitable helper to the man. She assists and compliments the man. She is suppose to assist him carry on his vision or any other aspiration he has in mind to pursue.
She brings harmony and not discord. She is created to be the man's companion, supporter and a source of encouragement to the man.
"She will bring him good and not harm, all the days of her life." Proverbs 31 : 12.

In addition to being a suitable helper to her husband, the woman in Ephesians 5:22-23, is expected to submit to her husband. Submission comes naturally and easily when the woman truly loves her husband.
When the Bible says a wife should submit to her husband, it doesn't mean she is a slave to the man or can't have a say in decision making. What submission here means is the wife subjecting herself under the authority of her husband. She humbly puts herself under the authority of her Husband.
She supports and gives her husband counsel, carefully choosing her words with wisdom.
Though the man is the head of the house and makes the ultimate decisions, but his decisions most times come from the support and wise counsel of his wife.
Being submissive doesn't mean being physically and emotionally abused.

The man on the other hand has his responsibilities as well. His responsibility as a man does not just stop at being the head of the home. For some men, being the head of the home is enough responsibility. To such men, being the head of the home means just providing for the home financially while for some, its more of being in command and ordering the woman around without even providing for the family. The Bible in 1st Timothy 5:7 describes a man who is unable to take care of his family as being worst than an infidel. A man's responsibility doesn't stop at being the head of the house or just financially providing for the family, it goes way beyond that. The man does not just show his love by providing but demonstrates it by speaking it to his wife if possible on daily bases. Women are moved by words. When you say sweet things that you actually mean, they appreciate it and reciprocate. you make the woman feel on top of the world when you speak and and put in practice the love you have for her.
In Ephesians 5:25, the man has been instructed to love his wife just as Christ loved the church. This is an unconditional love. Love that is not selfish looking for what to gain from the other person but an undiluted love. In fact, the Bible went as far as stating that man ought to love his wife as he loves his body. No man would want to cause harm deliberately to his own body, same way he wouldn't want to deliberately hurt his wife seeing her as part of his body.

The man also has the responsibility of being the spiritual head of the home. He ensures the his wife is not just doing well in other aspects of life but also growing stronger spiritually.

He is involved in the raising of the children and does not think it's the woman's responsibility alone to raise the kids while he provides the money. When both parents are involved in the raising of children, they end up raising sound, godly and intelligent kids.

These and many more are the responsibilities of both partners in each others lives. 

When we get into a relationship, we expect that relationship as matured people to lead to marriage but we must first understand the purpose of marriage as God created it to be. What God intend for the purpose of two people coming together as husband and wife so the purpose of marriage is not abused. Like they say " when the purpose of a thing is not known, abuse is inevitable".

Quote for the day - "The purpose of a relationship is not to have another who might complete you but to have another with whom you might share your completeness ". -  Neale Donald Walsch

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