In this part of the series of compatibility in relationships which is the concluding part, we shall be looking at intellectual and sexual compatibility. Previously we had looked at compatibility in general terms https://www.rhodasmotivationalblog.com compatibility-in-relationships.html , spiritual and physical compatibility https://www.rhodasmotivationalblog.com relationship-compatibility-part-2.html and moral compatibility https://www.rhodasmotivationalblog.com compatibility-in-relationships-3.html.
INTELLECTUAL COMPATIBILITY : In a marriage or relationship where there is no discussion, conversation or some form of play, that relationship easily becomes boring. When couples get old to the point where sex becomes irrelevant or of little importance, what keeps the couple going and loving is being able to have a meaningful conversation at the surface and deep level with each other and that's when companionship blossoms and thrives better. Even while dating, partners ought to be able to have deep levels of conversations and not just on the surface level. You know a person's level of intelligence or intellect when you converse more with the person and this is easily known in courtship before marriage. Outings during courtship shouldn't just be based on eating out or sight seeing but having meaningful conversations about world views, politics, the economy and other intellectual discourse. This way you get to know each other's level of intellect. Relationships also shouldn't just be based on sex as this will fade with time as the age goes by but being able to have meaningful conversations keep the relationship going, besides couples can't be having sex all the time so what happens when they aren't? they discuss and sometimes play and that's where companionship plays a huge role in relationships.
There are people you have conversations with and you enjoy being in their company always while for others it could be unbearably boring. There are people you hang out with and you just notice the conversation is a one way traffic: only you doing the talking. Every other thing could be cool in a relationship but when discussions or conversations are just on the surface level and not deep then it could affect every other thing in that relationship. It ruins the harmony and companionship in relationships/marriages. For me, a guy's level of reasoning is what attracts me most to him. A guy/girl might be all cute and beautiful physically but by the time you get to interact more with the person, you get to know if that person has a high level of intellect, at per with you intellectually or just myopic in reasoning. This person might be cool with how he or she thinks/reasons but the question is are you at per or comfortable with the person's level of intellect/reasoning? Do you enjoy being in the person's company and want the discussions to go on and on or easily bored being in the person's company? Conversations should go beyond the surface level but deep. If the conversation or discussion is just on the surface level, then change the discussions to more interesting topics and see if you are both intellectually compatible.
You know you both are compatible intellectually when you are able to enjoy discussions of or from each other's different interests of intellect without being bored or feeling inferior. One is not boastful of his/her achievements or how knowledgeable he or she is just to make the other person feel inferior neither is the other person inferior of the other's high level of intellect but aimed at teaching and learning from one another. Your significant other should be able to impact in your life certain things you never knew or knew little about and vice versa and when the teaching /learning is taking place its enjoyable by both persons wanting it to go on and on, non stop. For example, a man vast in politics dating a woman vast in economics will both learn a lot from each other. This can also be related to having different hobbies but having fun discussing or engaging in each other's hobbies. An example of this is a man who loves watching football and knows everything about football and a lady who loves reading articles. The man shares his views on football and the lady shares her views on reading and they both find their interests intriguing and interesting, not brushing off the other's hobby or interest. If you find yourself feeling inferior of the other person's intellect, then you aren't compatible with each other intellectually and this could lead to problems in your relationship. You might be compatible in every other area but if not intellectually, you will be bored in the relationship and this can ruin every other aspect of the relationship.
Another way of knowing how intellectually compatible you are with your partner is having shared or mutual interests in things. You might both have different or independent intellectual disciplines respectively in which you both enjoy talking about but you still get to find out that you both have mutual interests in certain things that you talk about on and on without being bored such as football, politics, religion, music, the economy or an academic discipline. You both are able to get into deep discussions outside your individual intellect and still have deep conversations that you both enjoy and learn from each other.
In the introductory part of this series I told you about an intellect who got married to a village girl simply because she was beautiful, warm and lovely but was lonely in that marriage. There was no way he could have a meaningful conversation with her. He could not share so many things with her as she wouldn't understand. She on other hand also felt lonely in the marriage because he had no interest in all she would want to discuss with him. All she ever wanted to talk about was who has put to bed, who fought and so on. Her interests were local while he had global interests. He likes and always wants to discuss global issues, things relating to his field of interests or challenges encountered during the day but how can she understand when she only has local interests? She on the other hand, when he returns from work would want to tell him all that went down in the neighborhood but he as no interest in such things. They both were nice people but intellectually incompatible and are both suffering it.
I also read of the story of two lovers who were graduates but worlds apart intellectually. They both had a misunderstanding and the lady was asked how she expresses her love or apology to him and her response was writing him sweet letters of apologies but for the man, he felt a way to apologize was to cook him meals like pounded yam and egusi soup from her home and bring to him. She had a sophisticated way of doing things while he had a crude way of doing things.
There are people you have conversations with and you enjoy being in their company always while for others it could be unbearably boring. There are people you hang out with and you just notice the conversation is a one way traffic: only you doing the talking. Every other thing could be cool in a relationship but when discussions or conversations are just on the surface level and not deep then it could affect every other thing in that relationship. It ruins the harmony and companionship in relationships/marriages. For me, a guy's level of reasoning is what attracts me most to him. A guy/girl might be all cute and beautiful physically but by the time you get to interact more with the person, you get to know if that person has a high level of intellect, at per with you intellectually or just myopic in reasoning. This person might be cool with how he or she thinks/reasons but the question is are you at per or comfortable with the person's level of intellect/reasoning? Do you enjoy being in the person's company and want the discussions to go on and on or easily bored being in the person's company? Conversations should go beyond the surface level but deep. If the conversation or discussion is just on the surface level, then change the discussions to more interesting topics and see if you are both intellectually compatible.
You know you both are compatible intellectually when you are able to enjoy discussions of or from each other's different interests of intellect without being bored or feeling inferior. One is not boastful of his/her achievements or how knowledgeable he or she is just to make the other person feel inferior neither is the other person inferior of the other's high level of intellect but aimed at teaching and learning from one another. Your significant other should be able to impact in your life certain things you never knew or knew little about and vice versa and when the teaching /learning is taking place its enjoyable by both persons wanting it to go on and on, non stop. For example, a man vast in politics dating a woman vast in economics will both learn a lot from each other. This can also be related to having different hobbies but having fun discussing or engaging in each other's hobbies. An example of this is a man who loves watching football and knows everything about football and a lady who loves reading articles. The man shares his views on football and the lady shares her views on reading and they both find their interests intriguing and interesting, not brushing off the other's hobby or interest. If you find yourself feeling inferior of the other person's intellect, then you aren't compatible with each other intellectually and this could lead to problems in your relationship. You might be compatible in every other area but if not intellectually, you will be bored in the relationship and this can ruin every other aspect of the relationship.
Another way of knowing how intellectually compatible you are with your partner is having shared or mutual interests in things. You might both have different or independent intellectual disciplines respectively in which you both enjoy talking about but you still get to find out that you both have mutual interests in certain things that you talk about on and on without being bored such as football, politics, religion, music, the economy or an academic discipline. You both are able to get into deep discussions outside your individual intellect and still have deep conversations that you both enjoy and learn from each other.
In the introductory part of this series I told you about an intellect who got married to a village girl simply because she was beautiful, warm and lovely but was lonely in that marriage. There was no way he could have a meaningful conversation with her. He could not share so many things with her as she wouldn't understand. She on other hand also felt lonely in the marriage because he had no interest in all she would want to discuss with him. All she ever wanted to talk about was who has put to bed, who fought and so on. Her interests were local while he had global interests. He likes and always wants to discuss global issues, things relating to his field of interests or challenges encountered during the day but how can she understand when she only has local interests? She on the other hand, when he returns from work would want to tell him all that went down in the neighborhood but he as no interest in such things. They both were nice people but intellectually incompatible and are both suffering it.
I also read of the story of two lovers who were graduates but worlds apart intellectually. They both had a misunderstanding and the lady was asked how she expresses her love or apology to him and her response was writing him sweet letters of apologies but for the man, he felt a way to apologize was to cook him meals like pounded yam and egusi soup from her home and bring to him. She had a sophisticated way of doing things while he had a crude way of doing things.
There are men who probably stopped there education at maybe the secondary school level and wouldn't want to further their education but would want to marry an highly educated woman with high level of reasoning not considering if he can cope with her level of reasoning. Such men in most cases become inferior in the marriage and would want to exercise their authority over the woman in the wrong way. They would want to sometimes fully domesticate the woman by making her a full time housewife against her will. Same thing applies to a woman.
Suffice it to say, intellectual compatibility is not all about having degrees. A man with a PhD could still be low intellectually. His level of reasoning stops at his degree. All he knows is what he studied same thing applies to a lady. I have come across certain people who did not complete their education but marveled at their level of reasoning. You could have deep conversation with such people and not get bored. They had given themselves some form of informal education. They ensure to know what is going on around the world politically, economically and otherwise. The most important thing is being able to enjoy each other's company having deep levels of conversation without being bored or feeling inferior. Intellectual compatibility makes relationships last longer.
SEXUAL COMPATIBILITY: For some people especially among believers, as long as there is spiritual compatibility, sexual compatibility is of little or no importance. For me, this is the second most important aspect of compatibility in relationships. Failure to have a great sexual life in marriage could lead to problems in that marriage. There are so many cases of infidelities in marriages these days. In time passed, infidelity in marriage was mostly associated with men but these days, married women are seen indulging in extramarital affairs and the lack of sexual satisfaction in most cases is the cause of such acts.
Physical attraction is most cases is related to sexual attraction. A man who is physically attracted to a lady will surely be attracted to her sexually and vice versa. Such simple ways to know this is wanting to hold each other's hands while you walk, hugging when you meet and depart, kisses on the forehead, cheeks and lips, stealing glances at each other, smiling at each other and so on.
God did not just create sex for procreation, sex is also created for pleasure and that is why men and women experience orgasm in sexual intercourse. I had the privilege of speaking with a married man on this aspect and he said men in most cases are more concerned about their own satisfaction sexually than that of the woman. To such men, the woman is meant to satisfy them sexually and are also seen for procreation purposes forgetting the fact that women also have the need to be satisfied sexually. For this men, they just get on the woman, ejaculates and that ends it leaving so many women unsatisfied sexually hence the increase in many women having extramarital affairs. Women have also contributed in making their husbands cheat on them, this my friend said is as a result of many women not being able to take care of their looks especially after child birth. They become so unkempt and unattractive to the man physically resulting to the man loosing interest in them sexually.
Sometimes, its one partner or both partners not learning new ways of having sexual intercourse. According to him, sex is not meant for the bedroom alone, it can be done in the leaving room, kitchen, bathroom and anywhere else by the couples and it shouldn't just be the missionary type but creating new ways of having sexual intercourse. He said both couples should learn to keep up with the pace of each other sexually. These ways he said, add spice to the sexual lives of couples.
Some of the reasons why marriages fail is due to sexual incompatibility and the failure to talk about it adds injury to it. Most people feel talking about sex in your relationship is a taboo or a sin but it helps a whole lot talking about it and when you do you get to find out if your partner has a high or low sexual drive or even sexually active or not. This enables you to know if you can fit in or not. There are people who have a particular sexual fetish i.e having particular thing done to them to arouse them sexually but don't discuss it. Concerning sexual fetishism, I once read online about a woman who complained about her husband always wanting to lick anus first before any sexual intercourse between them and after he does that, the woman finds it irritating kissing her husband. Women also don't always want to talk about their sexual lives yet die in silence because it has been misconstrued by many or society that only men want or crave for sex.
Communication is key to having a fulfilled sexual life. Learn to talk about it with your partner. If you are both adults enough to get into a relationship then be both adults enough to talk about your sexual lives. Don't get all too religious about it. It is morally right and godly not to engage in premarital sex when dating or in courtship but not cool not to talk about it. You don't have to wait till you are married before you talk about your sexual lives. There have been various stories of couples who found the unthinkable about their partners on their wedding nights. I once read the story of a man who shared his ordeal about his partner on their wedding night. He discovered she had a malfunction all over her body down to her private part. Another story was of a woman who found out that her husband was more into anal sex than she could bear and so many other stories
Quote for the day - ". Research shows that couples who have a lot of similarities including intellectual compatibility end up staying together". Helen Fisher
Suffice it to say, intellectual compatibility is not all about having degrees. A man with a PhD could still be low intellectually. His level of reasoning stops at his degree. All he knows is what he studied same thing applies to a lady. I have come across certain people who did not complete their education but marveled at their level of reasoning. You could have deep conversation with such people and not get bored. They had given themselves some form of informal education. They ensure to know what is going on around the world politically, economically and otherwise. The most important thing is being able to enjoy each other's company having deep levels of conversation without being bored or feeling inferior. Intellectual compatibility makes relationships last longer.
SEXUAL COMPATIBILITY: For some people especially among believers, as long as there is spiritual compatibility, sexual compatibility is of little or no importance. For me, this is the second most important aspect of compatibility in relationships. Failure to have a great sexual life in marriage could lead to problems in that marriage. There are so many cases of infidelities in marriages these days. In time passed, infidelity in marriage was mostly associated with men but these days, married women are seen indulging in extramarital affairs and the lack of sexual satisfaction in most cases is the cause of such acts.
Physical attraction is most cases is related to sexual attraction. A man who is physically attracted to a lady will surely be attracted to her sexually and vice versa. Such simple ways to know this is wanting to hold each other's hands while you walk, hugging when you meet and depart, kisses on the forehead, cheeks and lips, stealing glances at each other, smiling at each other and so on.
God did not just create sex for procreation, sex is also created for pleasure and that is why men and women experience orgasm in sexual intercourse. I had the privilege of speaking with a married man on this aspect and he said men in most cases are more concerned about their own satisfaction sexually than that of the woman. To such men, the woman is meant to satisfy them sexually and are also seen for procreation purposes forgetting the fact that women also have the need to be satisfied sexually. For this men, they just get on the woman, ejaculates and that ends it leaving so many women unsatisfied sexually hence the increase in many women having extramarital affairs. Women have also contributed in making their husbands cheat on them, this my friend said is as a result of many women not being able to take care of their looks especially after child birth. They become so unkempt and unattractive to the man physically resulting to the man loosing interest in them sexually.
Sometimes, its one partner or both partners not learning new ways of having sexual intercourse. According to him, sex is not meant for the bedroom alone, it can be done in the leaving room, kitchen, bathroom and anywhere else by the couples and it shouldn't just be the missionary type but creating new ways of having sexual intercourse. He said both couples should learn to keep up with the pace of each other sexually. These ways he said, add spice to the sexual lives of couples.
Some of the reasons why marriages fail is due to sexual incompatibility and the failure to talk about it adds injury to it. Most people feel talking about sex in your relationship is a taboo or a sin but it helps a whole lot talking about it and when you do you get to find out if your partner has a high or low sexual drive or even sexually active or not. This enables you to know if you can fit in or not. There are people who have a particular sexual fetish i.e having particular thing done to them to arouse them sexually but don't discuss it. Concerning sexual fetishism, I once read online about a woman who complained about her husband always wanting to lick anus first before any sexual intercourse between them and after he does that, the woman finds it irritating kissing her husband. Women also don't always want to talk about their sexual lives yet die in silence because it has been misconstrued by many or society that only men want or crave for sex.
Communication is key to having a fulfilled sexual life. Learn to talk about it with your partner. If you are both adults enough to get into a relationship then be both adults enough to talk about your sexual lives. Don't get all too religious about it. It is morally right and godly not to engage in premarital sex when dating or in courtship but not cool not to talk about it. You don't have to wait till you are married before you talk about your sexual lives. There have been various stories of couples who found the unthinkable about their partners on their wedding nights. I once read the story of a man who shared his ordeal about his partner on their wedding night. He discovered she had a malfunction all over her body down to her private part. Another story was of a woman who found out that her husband was more into anal sex than she could bear and so many other stories
Quote for the day - ". Research shows that couples who have a lot of similarities including intellectual compatibility end up staying together". Helen Fisher
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